Dear Mother Wit,

My daughter is 9 and suddenly she won’t eat regular meals. She ignores all other food and demands dessert. I don’t know what’s up with that, but I am not having it. I grew up where you ate what was on your plate, or you went hungry. She used to be a pretty good eater, but now she doesn’t like anything unless it’s super-sweet. How can I deal with this foolishness without whupping her? 

Food Fighter

Dear Food Fighter,

Been there and still have the battle scars to prove it. I know how frustrated you’re feeling—and worried that she’s not getting enough nutrients for her growing body. 

I’d start with a doctor’s visit for a check-up to make sure there aren’t any health-related issues. And discuss this problem with her doctor ASAP! They might have some health-based suggestions that can help. Be sure to mention if there’s a family history of diabetes, and have her checked for that. 

The hard part is not turning meals into a battleground—especially when you grew up like we did when we weren’t allowed to express opinions about the food our parents put on the table—we ate or, as you said, went hungry. But it’s a new day and food is much more complicated.

One thing we know more about is food sensitivities. Ask her about the foods she used to like and eat, and find out what’s different now. Are certain foods making her feel bad? If that’s not the case, think about certain textures. Many of us prefer some textures over others. One of my grandkids won’t eat anything “slimy,” and another one hates anything that’s dry. Then there’s the one who won’t eat anything without ketchup!

Try involving your daughter in meal planning and preparation. Ask her to pick some (non-dessert) foods that she WILL eat. Let her help shop for and prepare those foods and if she doesn’t like the way they’ve been prepared, encourage her to go online and find some (healthy) recipes that you can try together.  And so the same for healthy desserts—get her interested in nutritious ways to address that sweet tooth. 

Assign her responsibility for “setting the mood” for dinner—decorating the table, etc. and see if that helps. Also make sure everyone is paying attention to each other—no televisions or phones during family mealtime. 

There aren’t any instant solutions—you have to try different things and see what works with her. In the process, ask and listen. You might learn things about your daughter that you wouldn’t otherwise know, and strengthen your relationship in the process.

Bon appetite, Mom!