My kid’s whining is working my nerves. My son is 11 and lately he’s been whining whenever I tell him “No!” or to stop doing something. He whines for hours. Sometimes I’m tempted to give in and let him have his way just to shut him up. The sound makes me crazy.  I can’t stay calm when he starts that mess. Can you help me?

Hands Over My Ears

Dear Hands Over My Ears,

I feel you! Whining works all my nerves, too. Kids learn fast that we’re more likely to respond to their whining because it is so annoying. First thing I learned to do is to cut it off when it starts. Look your son in the eye, put your hand on his shoulder if you can, and firmly explain that you can’t respond when he whines. Tell him you love him, and you need him to talk in his “strong voice.” (Use your calmest voice when telling him this). Help him to identify how he’s feeling: sad, angry, frustrated, unheard. Explain that when he whines, it’s like hearing a siren or alarm that makes you feel nervous and less likely to hear what he’s really trying to say. 

Whining is a habit, so next time he tries it, calmly shut it down and help him find the “strong voice” to communicate with you. Let him know that you still might not give him what he’s asking for, but the important thing is to teach him to communicate so you can at least hear what he’s trying to say.  And remember to praise him when he makes improvements!