Dear Mother Wit,

My son won’t let me potty-train him! My family says he’s past old enough, but no matter what I do, he’s not having it. He know how to use the potty, but he won’t stop what he’s doing to go to the bathroom. My husband says he needs a good whuppin’ but that’s not how I want to raise him. This boy is too smart and hard-headed—what can we do?

Pooped Mom

Dear Pooped Mom

Using the potty is a natural body function and your son will get it together when he’s ready. It becomes a battle when it’s more important for him—or you—to “win” than to do what’s natural. The toddler years are when your children first learn to engage you in power struggles—and the time to let them know that those struggles aren’t going to work in their favor. Let’s look at how you can get him to cooperate—and support his cooperation in the process. 

Toddlers are discovering a need have control. Make him feel like he has a choice. Let him know that he can switch to big boy underwear when he wants (I’d buy him a few pairs with designs or popular characters that he likes), and that he can wear pullups when he chooses. Reward him with praise, a small prize, or even a sticker on a chart when he notices that it’s time to go, and asks you to take him to the potty—or when he uses the potty by himself! Get the other adults in your family to encourage and praise him for being a “big boy” when he shows signs of progress.

Don’t be too hard on yourself—or on him. Potty training is a developmental skill that every child builds when they are ready (and he will get there, I promise). The bigger deal you make of it, the more he’s likely to fight back. Go with the flow and trust the process. Nature always wins!