Dear Mother Wit:

I’m an introverted mom with a very extroverted 10-year-old daughter. She is super-social, and having a hard time adapting to the COVID restrictions. Her school went completely online, and we’ve had to cut back on or drop the gymnastics, ballet, martial arts and music lessons that she loves. She misses her friends and feels sad that she can’t see them like she used to. It’s just the two of us, so she’s turning to me for constant conversation and interaction, which drains my energy and tries my patience. Help!

Peopled Out

Dear Peopled Out:

That’s a tough one! I give you props for recognizing the difference in your personalities and understanding how hard this pandemic is on your child. Having that insight is the key to finding a solution. 

I don’t know whether you have any pets, or are able to, but that might be one option. Your daughter could get some warm, loving attention and interaction, and you might be able to catch a break! 

It could help to schedule some time each day where you give her your undivided attention and doing something that she wants to do. Let her pick the activity, but the real thing is that she needs that interaction, that back-and-forth, conversation, and feeling that you see and hear her. 

Create some quiet time each day. She could do something like enjoy an age-appropriate television show or movie while you chill and recharge. By making it part of your routine, she knows what to expect, and you’ll know that your need is getting met. 

Find reasons to celebrate! Keep candles and sprinkles and ice cream or special treats in the house. Celebrate things like the end of the week, or an assignment, every possible holiday, the beginning of each season, etc. Have her help you create celebrations and include others virtually. 

Teachable moments: this is a great time to help her understand that people are different, and that no way of being is better than another. Helping her be aware of different personality and energy styles can enhance her social skills and make her more empathetic to people who are different from her—and that’s always a great life lesson!

Warmly,

Mother Wit