Dear Mother Wit:

Why does my child interrupt me every time I’m on the phone?  He can be playing, just as happy as can be, and as soon as I get on the phone, he’s whining, interrupting me, acting out.  I’m tempted to just spank him so I can continue my call.  I don’t talk on the phone very often, but when family and friends call, sometimes we need to have a conversation. Please help!

                                                                                                           Desperate in Newark

Dear Desperate:

Ooh chile, I remember those days so well!

Wait, what am I talking about?  My kids are grown, but now my grandbabies do the same thing to me.  Fortunately, I’m older, wiser and a bit more patient.  But I feel your pain: kids interrupting phone calls can definitely try the nerves of a saint, not to mention regular folks like us.

Here’s what I’ve done with my children and grandchildren:

1. Make sure they’re safely occupied, and explain to them that you have a phone call and will be talking for awhile.  Remind them to play quietly, and that you don’t want to be interrupted except in an emergency. (I know this is risky: any child might consider their sudden desire for a cookie an “emergency.” Depending on their age, you can give them some examples of a true “emergency.”

2. When (not if) they interrupt you anyway, give them “the look.” You know “the look,”—the one that says, “Stop that this minute, or else you’re in trouble.” Pause: I’m not suggesting that the “or else you’re in trouble” include physical punishment. But it is important to let them know that their behavior is inappropriate.

3. Decide ahead of time what the consequences will be for interrupting phone calls, and communicate those consequences clearly to your child.  Warning: You will need to repeat that explanation often, especially if your child is very young.  Be calm and consistent in how you communicate: “Sometimes Mommy needs to talk on the phone.  When you see me on the phone, I’m having a conversation with somebody, and it’s not acceptable to interrupt me.  Do you understand?  If you need something from me, you can wait until I’m off the phone, unless you’re hurt, or something is really wrong.”  Then I would take a minute—when both of you are well-fed, rested and calm—to come up with a list together of what “really wrong” means.

4. Be patient.  There seems to be something deep down inside children (and some pets, too!) that causes them to suddenly require your attention when you’re talking on the phone.  Yes, it’s frustrating, but try not to give into the frustration.  (As I’m writing this, I’m reminding myself to do the same thing!).  We all need to remember that as their parent/grandparent/caregiver, you are, at that moment, the center of their universe, especially if they are very young and completely dependent on you for everything.  Maybe it’s natural for them to feel some anxiety when your attention is focused elsewhere for a period of time—sometimes I think that’s just the natural survival instinct kicking in.  I try to practice deep breathing when the stress gets to me, and remind myself that the child isn’t “bad” or deliberately trying to get on my nerves.  Inhale.  Exhale.  Inhale.  Exhale….

Also: I bought my grandson a play phone, and explained to him that he can use that when I’m on the phone.  I’ll let you know.

Till next time remember: DON’T HIT THE KIDS, HIT THE KEYBOARD!